Asking Eric: Balancing my positive outlook with my negative family

Dear Annie: I am generally an upbeat, look-on-the-bright-side kind of person. Unfortunately, my husband of 30 years and my 80-year-old mother are definitely not. My husband could best be described as a middle-aged Sheldon from “The Big Bang Theory”—an analytical scientist who will always choose logic over feelings no matter the situation.

My mother, on the other hand, has always been a closet Eeyore/Negative Nellie.

I don’t live near her, but I speak to her multiple times daily on the phone. Every phone call brings a new boatload of doom, gloom, and worries. I am her remaining family member and if she can’t reach me within two phone calls, she panics and will start, and has started, calling my friends, acquaintances, neighbors, law enforcement, etc.

She vehemently refuses to learn to use a smartphone or any technology, like texting, that would make it easier for me to reassure her if I cannot immediately speak to her.

I do my best to refill my “positivity” tank with things that soothe my soul, and I rely heavily on my faith, but between the situations in the world and on the news and these two in my life, I’m finding it harder to look on the bright side.

I don’t want to sink into the gray view that my husband and mother seem to live in. I really do believe the world needs light, especially now. How can I keep looking for the silver lining?

– Trying to Stay on the Sunny Side

Dear Trying to Stay on the Sunny Side: I am really sorry you’re stuck in this space. Try having a heart-to-heart with your husband to emphasize how much you need his support at this point in your life. A “Hey, honey, that’s not helpful to me right now” can go a long way.

Can he also support you more in action? Can he pick up the phone when you can’t? Part of this problem is logistical and that’s a place he can shine.

Your mother and husband’s narratives have a lot of power in your life right now, but they aren’t any truer than your perspective. Remind yourself that you’re reaching for the truth.

Track your search for the light in a joy journal or some other regular diary. Make time and space to connect more regularly with people who are also finding their own joy. You may not be able to banish the gray, but flooding your world with even more light will help. I have also recently appreciated the work of psychologist Dacher Keltner, particularly the new book “Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life.”

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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