Dear Abby: When relatives just ‘show up’ at my in-law’s house, we’re expected to drop everything and visit

DEAR ABBY: Some relatives come once or twice a year from out of state to stay at my in-laws’ house. For the past 20-plus years, it has been the same routine. They show up, but we never know ahead of time when or how long they are staying. We are expected to drop everything to go over there to visit with them as long as they are in town. There are no plans and no schedule; we just sit around waiting for them to decide what they want to do.

I’m so tired of it. I would prefer knowing ahead of time so I won’t have to cancel my previous plans when they show up. It’s nice to chat, but I’d like to know beforehand that they are coming so I can meet them for a meal or activity rather than sit for hours. Can I make this request now that it has been going on for so long? — BURDENED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR BURDENED: Yes, you can make your wishes known. What you are proposing is common sense and common courtesy. Tell these relatives you love seeing them but would like some advance notice when they plan to be in town so you can adjust your schedule and take them somewhere rather than sit for hours at your in-laws’. It’s entirely possible that these relatives — AND your in-laws — would appreciate it.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.